True Stability

I think stability is something that everybody seeks to have in their life on a regular basis. Whether it is sought after consciously or subconsciously I think it can be categorized in the ‘basic needs’ of our life. As humans we like to have a feeling of security in consistency and a strong footing on a solid foundation. When things aren’t stable in our life we tend to reach out and grasp onto anything and everything that is secure, whether that is a significant individual in our life, our beliefs and/or religion, or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream; whatever it is it differs for all of us.

Firm. Permanence. Without Change. Dependability. Steadfastness. Constancy. Balance. Strength. Steadiness. Reliability. Solid.

What things are in your life that brings these elements of stability? How does the world offer stability in our lives? Can we offer stability to others? If so, how? Are the characteristics that make you up stable? Is there anything in this life that offers us complete, consistent, 100% stability without fail?

On a macro scale, it seems like the more I think about worldly stability the more I realize the lack thereof. Governments, food/gas prices, education, agriculture, industry, businesses, international affairs, etc. These are all things, plus much more, that we can’t rely on and that aren’t consistent. They fluctuate on a day to day basis and often times can’t even be predicted leaving us guessing and wondering. But in the midst of all this instability around us we have seemed to adapt because it is a way of life. Or maybe it’s the fact that it’s too big to put our hands around to make any kind of difference, even if we did try. Or maybe it is that we are trying to gain stability on a micro level – in our personal and family lives – that even attempting to gain stability on a macro level is totally beyond us so we leave it to the big dogs to take care of it. But how much can we rely on them….?

Gaining stability on a micro level comes from many different avenues ranging from people in our life to personal beliefs/religion, to materialism (and many other unmentioned ways). But even these things can bring some fluidity too. People come and go in our lives either as a natural way of life, or they can also be taken from us at a moments notice. They can bring stability to our lives for a time and that time can vary from a little to years upon years. Can people still bring stability when they have gone from our life?

When I have certain kinds of days one materialistic thing that I like to reach for is Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked ice cream. I find great comfort in absorbing myself in the melted mixture of vanilla and chocolate ice cream with chunks of brownie and cookie dough. But the pint of ice cream is only so big and will only last for so long. And there is even the possibility of the grocery store being sold out of it when I go to indulge myself in this emotional ritual. Materialistic stability seems like an oxy-moron because it can only temporarily satisfy our momentary cravings by bringing about a false sense of hope for something solid, sure, and unchanging. No matter how much we reach materialistic things it never seems to ever fulfill us, but rather turns some of us into addicts and throws us into a cycle of material spending.

On the other side of materialistic stability we have such items like houses, appliances, water, electricity, heat, etc. that we heavily rely upon. We think of these things as stable in our life because they seem to always be there; the light always turns on when we flip the switch, the water runs from the faucet when we twist the knob, with the push of a button or two we can heat or cool the house, the twist of a dial we can wash and dry our clothing or wash our dishes. As a storm passed through Rexburg the other day and my power went out I realized again how unstable the things we have everyday that we take for granted can be gone in an instant. And if we aren’t prepared for disaster like this even more instability will enter our lives because we then turn to survival mode.

Think of all the natural disasters that happen around the world on a large scale – earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis – as well as the many smaller natural disasters that happen in our neighborhoods – house fires, crop lands/live stock failing, flooding, etc. The lists could go on and on!

The world is changing. Our towns, cities, and neighborhoods are changing. People come and go. There is so much fluidity in our lives it seems like grasping for any kind of stability is near impossible. Where can we find it?

The gospel of Jesus Christ offers us the complete, consistent, 100% stability we need in our life. The God of heaven is an unchanging God. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has created laws, commandments, and given us promises that are never changing and that bring assurances that can never be doubted. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are the foundation that we must plant our feet upon to gain true and everlasting security.

“For I know that God is not a partial God, neither a changeable being; but he is unchangeable from all eternity to all eternity” (Moroni 8:18).

“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall” (Helama 5:12).

What an amazing promise! If we build upon Jesus Christ he promises us that we won’t fall. What more stability could you ask for? Who more can you rely upon than our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ? There is no other thing or person that gave give us the complete stability in our life that they can and offer to us. They will always be there; they will never forsake us. They will always be there to listen to us when there is no other listening ear. They will answer our pleas, cries, and prayers. They will bless us with our individual needs that nobody else could ever fulfill in our life. They are there in the most loneliest times in our lives, as well in the times we are surrounded by the many people that love us. They know our joys and sorrows, our pain and rejoicing, our dreams, desires, wants, fears, strengths, weaknesses. They bless us with every thing we have – down to the very breath we breathe. They “[preserve] you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another” (Mosiah 2:21). They are our all in everything!

“And now, my beloved brethren, I would that ye should come unto Christ, who is the Holy One of Israel, and partake of his salvation, and the power of his redemption. Yea, come unto him, and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him, and continue in fasting and praying, and endure to the end; and as the Lord liveth ye will be saved.” (Omni 1:26).

If we come unto Them, the most firm, dependable, steadfast, constant, reliable, solid, and stable Beings, they will give us all they have, even the heavens and eternities above!

"Look! I'm a Beautiful Butterfly!"

It has been 1 week and 1 day since the birth of my beautiful butterflies! They have been a very fun addition to my bedroom. I have loved seeing their transformation from itty-bitty tiny caterpillars into beautiful 'pink lady' butterflies! Their process and transformation has given me the opportunity to ponder a lot upon the life cycle and the different stages we go through in life to grow into 'beautiful butterflies.' As I have sat in front of the tank and watched them or have taken them out and held them in my hands I think back to the time when I first began to really spread my wings and fly - a time when I was at my greatest height in being the real and true me and living with so much life in me - the time when I became a 'beautiful butterfly.'

I began with five itty-bitty caterpillars, but only two have survived. Ironic. The caterpillar that was the first to wrap herself in the cocoon and hang from the top of the cup was the first to go. She didn't securing fasten herself to the top and ended up falling and due to the moisture that was on the bottom of the cup her cocoon became wet and soft, instead of a hard and protective cocoon. The next three successfully attached themselves to the top of the cup securly. The fourth didn't quite make it to the top of the cup, but secured herself to the side of the cup. By doing this I had to pull her off the side of the cup and place her on the floor of the tank. There still was a possibility that she would emerge and become a beautiful butterfly like the rest.

The three caterpillars that had attached themselves to the cloth at the top of the cup all emerged beautifully one right after the other, just hours apart. Although, I think one of them had trouble getting one of her wings completely out of the cocoon. She ended up with a bent wing which disabled her to fly. Only after one week of life, she too has gone the way of the earth.

The caterpillar that attached herself to the side of the cup and ended up being layed on a tupperware lid on the bottom of the tank also had problems emerging from her cocoon. She was only able to make it out halfway. Upon discovering her it was too late for me to help. For some reason I left her in the tank. A few days later I went to take her out and discovered there was still life in her! I pulled her out of the tank and began butterfly surgery to try to get the rest of the cocoon off. I was successful but my hopes of her surviving were shattered when I found she too had gone the way of the earth the following day.

That has left me with two strong beautiful butterflies, as you will see in the pictures below. I have named them Lewi & Gilly. I have let them fly around my room on occassion. They both love to hang out by the window next to my bed and look out at the vast world in front of them. I think they both love the adventures the world has to offer them!

The three caterpillars that successfully attached themselves to the top cloth of the cup. I removed the cloth and taped it to the side of the tank and awaited for their birth.

Here is the first beautiful butterfly to emerge from her cocoon! She sat in this position for some time until blood had circulated into her wings allowing her to begin flying.

Again, the first beautiful butterfly to emerge from her cocoon.

This is her on one of the plants inside the tank. She was just getting used to her surroundings and trying out her new wings!

Here lies the first two beautiful butterflies that went the way of the earth. The cocoon at the top was the first caterpillar to go into her cocoon, but fell shortly thereafter. The bottom butterfly is the one that only made it out of her cocoon halfway.

Here is Lewi & Gilly! They love chillin' on the plants inside the tank. Kind of like a love to climb trees....

Say 'hello' to Lewi! Isn't she beautiful!?!

And here is Gilly! Hey there little one!

Another great shot of gorgeous-beautiful-stunning Lewi!

This is Gilly - she was a little bit more fiesty in letting me get a picture of her, but I was able to quickly get this nice shot.

Another great shot of Lewi! She is very photogenic for she embodies beauty. I happened to capture the picture of Christ in the background on accident which I think is very fitting.

Ode to Trail Walker Rachel

As you can see from the post below I have been blowing the dust off some of my Anasazi things and taking some time to reminice about my days of walking the trail. Even though I am 98% sure I am done walking the trail at Anasazi I still really enjoy reading through my journals and going through my collection of Anasazi items, which include things along the lines of sticks, rocks, bones, ripped and/or shredded clothing, and notes to name a few.

One of my prominant Anasazi items that I see almost on a daily basis is my Rememberance Pouch because it is hanging from my review mirror in my truck. For those of you who don't know what a Rememberance Pouch is, it is a small leather pouch that you carry around your neck, which holds items that have significant meaning to you. It is also has fringe hanging from the bottom of the pouch in which you can string beads on that also have meanings to them that are given to you for various reasons and/or accomplishments.

After working at Anasazi for 3 years I never received a number of beads for my Rememberance Pouch for accomplishing certain things. And knowing the slim possibility of me returning to Anasazi I finally took it upon myself to give myself the beads and put them on my Rememberance Pouch. It took me several hours to string many tiny little beads on several strands of leather, but I got them all on and my Rememberance Pouch is now complete!

I also took the opportunity to go through the items inside my Rememberance Pouch before hanging it back up in my truck. My Rememberance Pouch contains mostly notes that Young Walkers or Trail Walkers have written to me with a few other items of significant importance. I came upon a particular note that a Trail Walker had written to me that I wanted to share because it give pretty good insight to how others view me on the trail.

One summer week on the trail I was walking with a group of girls and 2 other female Trail Walkers. For no reason in particular we decided to draw names and secretly throughout the week do things for the person who's name we had drawn. We also had the option of making and giving something to them as well. Another Trail Walker drew my name and at the end of the week I recieved this note from her.

Ode to Trail Walker Rachel

Rachel Gillmore's a mighty fine girl.

Her blond hair ain't got no curl.

She's awful quiet - just like a mouse,

But when she talks she brings down the house.

Her sense of humor's wicked mean -

Scared some so bad they nearly lost their spleen.

But ya know deep down she's nice & sweet

(What ain't so sweet is the smell of her feet).

If her pack ain't perfect, she gets in itch

She's whatcha might call a perfectionist.

The double half hitch is her favorite knot,

For her tying skills she is highly sought.

A belching beauty & the queen of apple pockets.

And boy, oh boy! What fine eye sockets!

That's why we love her, yes we do!

Right down to the tips of her red chaco shoes!

This Trail Walker did a pretty good job capturing or highlighting my personality on the trail. Although I do need to make a disclaimer about one line in this poem. I have no idea where she got the whole smelly feet idea! I think she was probably scrambling for words that rhymed with "sweet"! But other than that, she hit it pretty square on the nail.

The Making of Busting a Coal

The desire to get my fire set out and bust a coal has been calling my name for several weeks now! I have been itching to put my skills to the test again to see if I still have it in me to make fire by rubbing two sticks together.

As I have been thinking about trying my hand at busting a coal again I decided that I wanted to teach whoever wanted to learn how to do it as well. Many people who know that I possess this skill have all told me that when/if another great depression hits they are coming to me because they know that I can keep them alive through my survival skills and knowledge. But my thought is, “why not learn how to do it too so you can yourself become self-reliant?” (Plus it’s a fun skill/talent to brag about too because not many people know how to do it – but it’s not like we like to brag or anything like that). Anyway, so this blog posting is dedicated to all those who are interested in learning how to bust a coal.

This blog posting includes written instructions as well as video demonstrations from beginning to end on getting your fire set ready to busting a coal. So, get your pen and paper out to take notes and pay close attention to all the details as each step is important and crucial to know in order to make fire. Good luck! If you have any questions or need clarification please leave a comment.

Becoming Familiar with the Fire set:

This is how everything fits together in the fire set. Here are each element of the fire set and their function:

- Fireboard: This is the board that is under my foot. It is a piece of wood from a Saguaro cactus.

- Spindle: The round piece of wood sticking up from the fireboard. By rotating the spindle in a hole in the fireboard you create ‘punk’ (very fine black shavings of wood which becomes you coal once it is hot enough).

- Socket: The object that I am holding in my hand to secure the spindle to the fireboard. This socket is a cow knee bone. It has a natural divot in the middle allowing the spindle to rotation. You can also make sockets out of wood or soft rock by simply digging out a large and deep enough divot in the center that will hold your spindle in place with as less friction as possible.

- Bow: A simple curved piece of wood with a string tied to either end, which will be wrapped around the spindle in order to rotate the spindle back and forth to create the punk which will then turn into a coal.

- Coal Catcher: A coal catcher is simply a long thin piece of material that is placed underneath the hole of the fireboard to catch all of the punk that falls down while you are rotating the spindle. In this case I am just using an old, dull knife. You can use a small notebook, piece of paper, thin piece of wood, etc. the options are endless.

Preparing your Fire set:

With a knife you want to cut a circle into the top of fireboard. This circle needs to be large enough for your spindle to fit into. You don’t want to cut the circle too close to the edge of the board or too far into the board.

With the tip of your knife carefully dig out a thin layer of wood within the circle you just created. Don’t dig out a massive hole, just deep enough to know that your spindle won’t pop out of it.

This is the spindle. You want the stick to be as straight as possible. And the longer the better, ranging from about 8-12 inches is a good length.

Carve the top of your spindle (the part that will be inserted and held in by the socket) like a sharpened pencil tip. The longer the tip and the more pointier it is the less friction it will create in the socket. You want as little friction as possible in the socket. All your friction needs to be between the spindle and the fireboard.

The bottom of your spindle also needs to be carved like a pencil, but not so pointy. A little bit more round than pointy.

The spindle in the carved out circle on your fireboard.

Before going to the next step I need to teach the 90 degree rule. In the following video you will be able to somewhat visually see this rule. The 90 degree rule is when both of your legs are at a 90 degree angle as you are kneeling in the stance to bust a coal. The leg that is holding the fireboard down is at a 90 degree angle at the knee. This allows you to keep your wrist locked against your shin and the spindle straight up and down. The knee you are kneeling on is also at a 90 degree angle. This allows for maximum balance and pushes your weight of your upper body over the other knee as you rest your body and weight on your leg holding the fireboard. It also allows your body to open up the space needed to move your bow back and forth. Your stance is important! Pay attention to how your body is positioned each time you bust a coal. Don’t lean back and sit on your back leg.

Click the following link to watch a video on how to burn a hole into your fireboard:

Video: Burning A Hole


A burned hole in the fireboard.

Click on the following link to watch a video on how to cut a chimney into your fireboard:

Video: Cutting A Chimney


Top angled view of chimney. Create an hour-glass type cut making sure that the middle of the cut is straight up and down like a waterfall; it needs to be as deep/come straight down from the center of the circle.

Top view of chimney. Cut a triangle into the wood making sure the point of the triangle reaches the center of the circle. Also make sure not to cut the sides of the triangle too wide or your spindle will come out when you try to bust a coal.

Side view of chimney.

Bottom view of chimney. Make the bottom triangle a little wider than the top so there is more room for air to flow in and the punk to build up without clogging the chimney.

Click on the following link to watch a video on how to make a tinder bundle:

Video: Tinder Bundle

Make sure to fill the middle with very fine tinder. This is what the coal will burn first and the quickest and also the rest of the tinder bundle to catch on fire. Make sure you make the tinder bundle BEFORE you bust a coal.

A finished tinder bundle. Looks like a birds nest!

Now you’re ready to start busting a coal! Woohoo!

Click on the following link to watch a video on how to bust a coal!

Video: Busting a Coal!

Tips to Remember about Busting a Coal:

- Remember the 90 degree rule!
- Keep the spindle straight up and down
- Keep your wrist locked against your shin
- Don’t put too much downward pressure on the spindle it can’t rotate, but don’t be so light on it that it pops out of the hole each time you try to bust. Find the happy medium.
- Hold at the bottom of your bow! Not the middle or a quarter of the way up the bottom!
- Use the whole length of the bow as you are busting from top to bottom. This doesn’t make you as tired, you get more rotations to the spindle, causing more punk to be created and it to become hotter faster creating a coal quicker.
- Make sure your bow string isn’t too loose or too tight. If it becomes loose while you are trying to bust simply grab the string where your hand is and hold it as you hold onto the bow. If it's still too loose slide your hand, while holding the string and little bit further up the bow.
- Remember less friction at the top and more friction at the bottom of your spindle!
- Keep your bow parallel with the ground
- Everything has to be just right in order for it to all work together smoothly like an oiled machine.
- Re-tune the parts of your fire set after every few tries (i.e.: sharpen the top of your spindle, adjust anything on the chimney (if the punk is gathering on top it needs to be wider), tighten the rope on the bow, etc.).
- The first few times you use a new hole in your fireboard will take a little bit longer to get a coal because there is a lot taller space that the punk needs to build up.
- Your punk should be black. If it's brown you need more downward pressure.
- Never get rid of the punk you have built up!! After each try gather it all together and slide it close to the chimney.
- Don't rush getting your coal into the tinder bundle. Let it burn a little bit. This allows the coal to get larger increasing your chance of getting a flame.
- Remember to squeeze the tinder bundle gently around the coal after putting it in so it has something to burn. - Blow gently! The more smoke you get the harder you can blow.
- Always have your small, medium, and larger fireword ready before you blow your coal into a flame. You will need to continue to blow on the tinder bundle as you put sticks on top until the flame has caught the sticks on fire.

The biggest advice I can give you is to not give up! It took me more than 5 hours to get my first coal, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get it faster. Your arm will get tired because it is not used to this kind of work and movement. But it gets stronger with each try. Try a few times, rest, and then try some more. It takes a few times to get the feel of how everything works together and get into the rhythm. Don't lose faith or confidence in yourself and always have a heart at peace with it. That is key. Now go bust a coal! Good luck! You can do it!

In My Element

The Lord, through his amazing grace, opened this day with a beautiful morning sun and mostly clear skies! After several days of grey, rainy, and cold days & after a night of intense emotional anguish last night it was a tender mercy, blessing, and a welcomed sight to wake up to the morning sun and mostly blue skies! Jessica and I planned at the beginning of this week a trip up to her cabin in Swan Valley, Idaho. She has been wanting to take me there for several months now and we finally put it on the calendar.

We were going to bring Jessica's four-wheelers up there and going four-wheeling, but the four-wheelers ended up being unavailable for us to use. Plan B: Mountain bikes! (My preferred plan). We loaded up the bikes in my truck this morning and took off. As we drove closer to Swan Valley I began to recognize the mountains and terrain. I realized that that is where I went in September to go canoeing with my friend Curtis. It is a very pretty area - very green, lush, and the scenery is beautiful!

We got to the dirt road that led up to Jessica's cabin and due to the rain over the past few days the road was muddy, not to mention the deep ruts that were already there. In my mind I thought, "Sweet! 4 wheel drive baby!" With my truck in 4 wheel drive we hauled up the mountain with only a few fish tails on the way, but secretly wishing for a bit more slide-age. When we got to Jessica's cabin she gave me the grand tour of her family's 1 bedroom cabin that her dad built in the 90's. It is a very cute cabin that is set on a mountain over looking the Snake River below.

Next we geared up, unloaded our bikes from the truck, and began our adventure! Had I known what the trail we were riding up was going to be like I would have worn different clothes. Thinking this was going to be an easy stroll in the park ride I wore every day clothes instead of clothes more suited for the conditions. The trail we rode up was the very same trail we drove in on, but in an even muddier state than we had experienced. I wanted to make it to the next flat part of the road in one attempt but because the trail was so muddy my tire just spun in place resulting in mud flying everywhere. Needless to say, I got off my bike and walked the rest of the way with Jessica while sliding on the mud that was beginning to get caked on the bottom of my chacos and bike tires. I was in heaven! I thought, "No chacos, no mud, no bike...no fun!"

We finally made it to the flat part and Jessica hopped on her bike and continued up the mountain while I stopped to take a few pictures and shed the fleece jacket I was wearing. I then jumped on my bike and started hauling up the mountain to catch up with Jessica. As I passed her, huffing and puffing, I asked her how much more up there was to go. She wasn't sure, but shortly thereafter I came around a bend and saw the road switchback two more times before it reached the top - a good 200-250 yards ahead, which didn't seem bad until I realized the increase in it's slope!

The rest of the way to the top was a stop and go process with none stop huffing, puffing, and gasping for air. When I couldn't push myself any further I'd stop, take a breather, snap a few pictures, and then do it all over again. It was awesome! We finally made it to the top. We all know what happens when you get to the top...it's downhill baby! I cranked my gears up and began peddaling hard to gain speed. The majority of the ride down the hill, which was about 100 yards, was made of up washboard-like terrain. It became very obvious to me after going down this hill that I needed to work my arms out! Too much "Relief Society arm" jiggling around!

The further and further I rode up the mountain the more and more I felt like I was in my element. The clouds in the sky were glorious, the surrounding aspen trees were amazing, the slight breeze was refreshing, the mountains were rejuvenating to the soul, the Snake River below brought peace, the wide open green fields brought a sense of freedom, the wildflowers brought back tender memories, and the quiet and stillness of nature brought solace to my heart. I was completely in my element. I was home.

The field at the top of the mountain was dotted with many cow pies. A smile grew on my face and I laughed out loud as my mind raced back to all of the experiences I have had with cow pies - one of my favorites being Angie's and my adventures at Jerky Butte in Arizona when we squatted over cow pies..... (Those pictures can be found on the right column of this page). Jessica and I sat at the top of the mountain in the middle of this beautiful grass field and talked while we enjoyed the peaceful surroundings. I loved looking around and seeing the mountains and trees as well as laying down and looking up into the sky at the clouds. I felt a connection to each of the elements of nature that I was surrounded by.

The wind picked up a bit making it a little chilly and some dark clouds started to roll in, so we decided to head down the mountain back to the cabin. I thought it would be fun to record a video of me riding down the mountain. Jessica and I jimmy -tied my camera to the strap of my camelpack that went across my chest and hoped it wouldn't fall off during the bumpy decent down the mountain. I pushed record and hopped on my bike for a fun adventure down the side of a muddy mountain. Thank goodness for my camera and my clothes I didn't have any crashes or endos (flying over the top of my handlebars), although it would have been fun to have a good wrestling match with the mud. Those are good for the skin and soul every once in a while.

It took only a matter of about 7 minutes to decend the mountain that took us a good 45 minutes to ride up, but the decent was a ton more fun than the ride up. The ride up is for the exercise and opportunity to take in all of the beauty, which I love. But the decent is for the adrenaline rush, which I love too.

We loaded everything up in the truck and began our journey home. This adventure took it out of Jessica - she zonked out rather quickly for the entire ride home. Me, on the other hand, continued to enjoy, take in all of the beauty I drove by, and allowed gratitude fill my heart for the blessings of the morning.

[Note: Pictures will be posted soon of this adventure. I'm having problems loading them.]

The Magical World of Sleep!

I am not one to usually take naps for several different reasons: One, I usually can never fall asleep. Two, if I do fall asleep it takes forever (usually leaving me with very little time to sleep). Three, I don't sleep very deeply which doesn't allow my body to obtain any rest, but sometimes making me more tired than when I started. And four, I'd rather force myself to stay awake and do things and then go to bed early getting as many hours of sleep before midnight as possible (because your body counts them as two hours of rest).

But after having just woken up from a real nap that lasted several hours I have realized again what a wonderful world of sleep is! It is especially therapeutic when you have cramps, your muscles are sore and tender, the weather is too cold, windy, and rainy to do what you want outside, and when your heart is heavy in sorrow. Now, sleeping is not the solution to all of these things, but when you are asleep your mind is taken to a different world where it allows you to escape from the physical pain and heaviness of the heart. When you awake you again pick up those feelings from where you left off, but they seem a bit lighter and you have a little more strength and energy to begin carrying the load again.

This world that I just came back from was especially good because it was a world where I was able to see and be with some of the people who I love and miss greatly in my life. I think there are several reasons why we dream. One the reasons I think we have dreams is to know of the tender mercies of the Lord in our lives - to know that He knows who we are, what we're going through, and what we need. He is always apart of the details in our lives, we just need to look and recognize them.

I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven who really knows who His daughter Rachel Gillmore is.

"Eat My Dust!" says Mother Earth

At 6:00P this evening I met with a friend of mine, Karen for about an hour across town from me. I debated before leaving weather to ride my bike or not. My legs are pretty sore from running from the last two days and thought maybe I should give them a rest. Then the thought came to me, "Because I can, and so I will!" With that I grabbed my sunglasses, put on my light fleece jacket, rolled up my pant leg, and hopped on my bike for a nice leisurely ride across town. It was still warm outside and so I pulled up the sleeves on my jacket and let the slight breeze that was blowing help keep me cool.

My visit went well and before I knew it I was pulling my sunglasses down over my eyes to begin the ride home. My quick judgement of the weather condition was 'perfect.' A slight breeze making it a perfect riding temperature. But once I got out and away from the building I had just left my assessment was way off. The wind was blowing harder than I thought, but nothing I hadn't experienced before on my bike. But that was only the beginning. I had no idea what was coming!

The wind picked up harder with each pedal rotation. Once I passed all of the commercial buildings and hit the back road there wasn't anything to break the wind for me anymore. I got to the first four-way intersection and stopped to determine which route I wanted to take. As I looked to the right of me down N 2nd E I couldn't believe what I saw or what I didn't see! All I could see was a solid wall of dirt coming towards me. I couldn't see anything beyond it. I quickly started peddaling to cross the intersection and get in front of the houses that lined the street so t could break the wind. I made it about three-quarters of the way down the street when the wind and dirt wall hit me. It was so strong that I had to stop riding so not to be blown over. As I planted my feet on the ground the back tire of my bike lifted off the ground. I gripped the handbars tighter and lowered my body to have a solid stance in order to not be blown over myself. I turned my head away from the wind so not to get pelted with any flying debris or rocks. I needed to find some kind of protection fast.

Destin and Nate's house was just around the corner and so I threw my bike over my shoulder and began making my way towards their house, but quickly discovered that I had to use a lot of my weight and strength to walk forward, against the wind. By the time I made it to their house the wind had died down. It didn't look like they were home and even though I had a key I decided to keep going as it looked like it was pretty calm down the street I was to ride on next.

I hopped on my bike once again and made it about 100 yrd. before another wall of dirt hit me. I again had to stop in order to not be stopped by force from the wind. I got a nice tast of dirt in my mouth this time since I was facing the dirt wall when it hit me. Instead of just standing on the side of the road taking everything that was being dished out to me I decided to find refuge behind the nearest building. When I swung my leg over my bike so I could again lift up and carry my bike, the wind picked it up for me. Luckily I was holding onto it or it would have been taken down the street with the wind. I quickly made my way behind the building. Only being about half-way across town by this point I decided to call Jessica to see if she was home to come rescue me. It rang and rang. No answer. I was on my own.

The wind died down again and wanting to take advantage of another 100 yrd progress I jumped on my bike and peddaled hard. I made it about 150 yrds that time before the next wall of dirt hit me. Luckily I was again behind some house which took some of the wind, but not much. I stood on the side of the road and waited for this one to pass, getting some more dirt in my mouth. (It went well with the gum I was chewing; added a crunch to it!). Once it died down I was again riding. Even though the wind was still blowing hard as I was riding straight into it and dust, dirt, and rocks were being blown in my face I managed to make it home without having to stop again. The Lord did bless me with some rain to help give me a bath from all the dirt caked on my face.

When I got home, took my sunglasses off, and looked in the mirror I had raccoon eyes. There was an outline of dirt that traced where my sunglasses had been.

These pictures don't do it justice, but I tried to capture the dirt plastered to my face. If I ran my finger across my face it left a streak mark of dirt behind it. And if you look close enough you can see the dirt caked into my pores. Sick.

There was dirt on my face, in my mouth, in my hair, in my ears, up my nose and covering my clothes. It was everywhere! Inevitably I got into the shower to get all the dirt off. Now I'm dirt free and squeaky clean!

Another lesson learned from Mother Earth. I got quite the taste of her power tonight......

Blue Eyes & The Moon

After posting pictures of my hair yesterday I realized that I didn't get any front shots of myself. So I grabbed my camera with the intension of just capturing a some-what decent portrait shot that gives a good perspective on how I look in the front with my hair styled like it was. After taking a few shots and reviewing them I noticed how blue my eyes were. That's when things started getting a little out of hand. A few shots turned into a few twenty shots.

Since the weather has been so absolutely wonderful here I have wanted to spend as much time out in it as possible. So after church yesterday Jessica and I ate dinner and spent the evening on the front lawn. Before heading into the house for the night I saw the moon shining bright in the sky. And for anybody who knows me well knows how much I love the moon! I couldn't let the night go by without getting pictures of its beauty.

I changed into my pajamas and took all the bobby-pins and clips out of my hair (so I could sleep without anything jabbing into my scull). I grabbed my camera and climbed out of Jessica's window onto the roof where I could sit, look at and take pictures of the moon. While taking pictures of the moon the thought came into my head that I should get a picture of myself with my hair down with the way it was styled. With the moon involved a couple pictures again turned into a few ten....and then some.....

The front view with my hair styled

Blue through and through! Wow, those babies are blue! (I think one of my eyes in bigger than the other).

Close Up!

The first picture I took with my hair down before climbing out onto the roof to look at the moon.

This is where things starting getting out of hand..

The moon really was in the sky...I promise.

See...There it is!

Me with the moon behind me. I like how the sky is darker in this picture than in the one before.

As I was on the roof trying to take some good shots of the moon behind me the neighbors opened their window that was rigt next to me and were wondering where all the flashing light was coming from. Needless to say, I climbed back inside shortly after that.

This is right before turning off my light to go to sleep. I am laying in my bed on my way comfortable pillow ready to drift off to sleep.

I hope that you do not get the impression that I am vain after taking so many pictures of myself. But maybe I am...? I would like to think that I am not. I was just having some fun and caught a couple good snapshots and simply wanted to share. Is that bad?

With Patience Bare

I think that one of the gifts I have been blessed with in my life is patience. But I find at times that even with the degree of patience I have been blessed with there is always something that will try my patience. This trying will either strengthen my patience making it stronger for the next thing to come along and try it even more. Or I will allow myself to become frustrated and possibly get to the point of giving up for a time before coming back to it again.

Styling my hair tries my patience. I know! Of ALL the things in this world something so simple as styling hair becomes really frustrating for me and I, more than not, give up. It has been a life-long struggle. I blame it on having three brothers, which by default influenced me to be a tom-boy. And when a girl is a tom-boy styling hair is the last thing on their list of things they want to try. Therefore, I never learned how to do anything with my hair.

But as I have somewhat grown out of the tom-boy stage and began to act and dress more like a young lady doing my hair has become a challenge in which I hope to conquer someday.

Recently I was taught how to style my hair in a certain way that I have been wanting to learn for sometime now. This style includes scrunching my hair to create a wavey/curly look and then putting it half-way up in a messy bob. I attempted this on my own for the first time today.

Finally knowing how to style my hair like this I was excited and anxious to try. To my disappointment my hair did not scrunch up as much as I would have liked it to. It seemed like no difference was made no matter how much mousse I put in my hair. I thought maybe it would curl up once I blow dried it. Not having the clips needed to blow dry it properly to maximize the curl I did the best I could, but again, the results weren't as expected. I trudged on anyway and began bobby-pinning my hair up, pulling it back, and then creating the messy bob. The results were pathetic. Nothing was staying in, there was barely any curl and it was lopsided. I was going on two hours by that time. I took it all out and started again. Still no success. Having to leave for an appointment I quickly threw it back in a clip and left with a bit of frustration and feeling of defeat inside of me.

I decided that I was going to wait for another day to try it; it wasn't worth it for me to try a third attempt today. I went to my appointment, came home, and ate. Maybe it was the food, but I felt a new sense of determination to try again. I approached it with a heart at peace and ready to carefully take one step at a time with an increase in patience.

"One step at a time. One bobby-pin at a time" were my thoughts as I stepped up to the bathroom counter for another go.

With this added patience and determination the results were a lot more pleasing and acceptable. It is not perfect or not as good as I would like it to be, but being my first time and third attempt I was satisfied well enough. I was even successful at adding my beautiful butterfly clips without messing everything else up in the process. Quite the accomplishment if you ask me. I am grateful for the opportunity of being taught how to do this new hair style; it is number six on my list of things I know how to do with my hair now! And I am grateful for whoever said, "When at first you don't succeed, try try again."

Home Again!

As I sit gently rocking back and forth on my suspended bed, feeling a slight breeze on my face, and looking out my window to see streaks of pink clouds paint the sky I feel peace in my heart. After two weeks of house-sitting I am finally home again. The anticipation to sleep in my own bed and gaze up into the starry-night sky is almost too much to wait for! You forget how much comfort one finds in their own home and in their own bed until they are away from it for a time. I am so excited to be back home and especially to sleep in my own bed tonight!

The second week of house-sitting was so much better than the first week! I'm still feeling the "swift kick in the pants. Being put my place. A slap in the face. A dose of reality. A quick jab to the stomach" that I received from my good friend. I hope I will continue to feel it as it has been pivital point in my life that I am still learning, gaining, and applying in my life; a life long lesson that is a continual process towards perfection.

I am also happy to report that there were no more poop incidents with Cooper. But due to these incidents Cooper has been renamed as Cooper-pooper. It even says it on his birth certificate. I think it fits him quite well! The cats were great, besides of course the times they climbed on the furniture they weren't supposed to and I had to chase them with the squirt bottle. They probably like the adrenaline rush of it all. I did have a funny experience with one of the cats though. I was upstairs cleaning up when I felt mother nature calling. I went into the upstairs bathroom, closing the door behind me, and started doing my business. While looking out into the sky through the window that is next to the toilet all of a sudden I hear a noise and as I turn to look to see where it was coming from I discover one of the cats leaping towards me. Luckily I was already sitting down on the toilet! She scared me! The toilet faces the shower and the shower curtain was closed. Unable to see into the tub I had no idea the cat was in there. She got me pretty good!

Wherever you are right now I hope you will look up into the sky, see the bright moon beaming, and know that somewhere out there somebody is thinking of you and saying a prayer for you because you are loved!

The Promises in 70 Days

Promises

While my mom was visiting in the beginning of April to help with my fantasy suite, we had a spiritual/doctrinal discussion one evening about faith and the eternities. She taught me something about faith that I had never thought about before, but it made sense and felt right.

In my questions about faith she asked me what the meaning of faith was. I responded with the basic seminary/sunday school answer, "Faith is something hoped for but not seen." She then asked for an example, so from the top of my head I gave the example of having faith in marriage. It was her response to this answer and example that opened my mind to a completely new perspective.

Mom: "What is the promise the Lord gives us about marriage?"

Me: "It's that we'll either get married in this life or in the next."

Mom: "Right, so he'll provide a way for that promise to come to pass. When we have faith in something we need to figure out what we are having faith in; we need to figure out the promise the Lord has given us in order for us to have faith in it."

Me: "Hmmmmmmm......"

After some quick pondering on my part, we continued our conversation from there into mind boggling ideas of the eternites are and will be like. But the thoughts on faith have lingered in my head and I have applied this concept in my daily life of things I am praying in faith for. As I thought about it I began to wonder what all of the promises the Lord has made to us that we can have faith in. Because if we have faith in those promises we can be assurred that they will come to pass because God always keeps his promises. This excited me and I began to thirst after these promises and decided I wanted to begin from the beginning of the Book of Mormon and read it to identify the promises He gives us in there and then work my way into the other books (D&C, Pearl of Great Price, Old & New Testament).

70 Days

In the recent Stake/Regional Conference that was just held for all of Southeastern Idaho Elder Uchtdorf mentioned in his talk a time in his life when he read the Book of Mormon is a period of two months. The week following my Bishop encouraged me to do likewise. He didn't challenge me to do or ask me to commit to it either, but simply suggested and encouraged me to. I decided to take his suggestion and encouragement.

The Promises in 70 Days

With these two desires, identifying the Lord's promises and being encouraged to read the BOM in two months, I found it would be a perfect opportunity to combine the two. I started over in the BOM and began reading on May 6, 2008 and decided the finishing date to be July 15, 2008. This calculated to reading 8 pages a day, which is not bad or overkill at all.

As I read the daily 8 pages I identify the promises the Lord makes by noting the scripture and then typing out the promise(s) on my computer. I would like to obtain a missionary copy of the BOM so I can solely highlight the promises as I come across them. So, by the time I am finished on July 15th I will have a BOM with all of the promises highlighted as well as a document that has all of the promises compiled as well.

This experience has been fun and interesting in several different ways. One, by reading 8 pages a day I am more able to see the larger picture. Two, by being able to see the larger picture I make more connections because a lot more of what I have read previously is fresh in my mind. Three, having the intent and searching eye to identify the promises it almost seems like they pop out at me from the page. Four, as I identify the promises my faith increases because that is one more promise I can put my faith in.

I just finished 1 Nephi today and am excited to jump into 2 Nephi, Jacob......and then Moroni! As I have enjoyed this experience thus far I also want to encourage you to do the same. You don't have to have the same structure I do - it can just be something to look for in your daily scripture study. I know that if you do decide to even casually pick out the promises your faith will increase as mine has.

Taking Back Power!

A swift kick in the pants. Putting one in their place. A slap in the face. A dose of reality. A quick jab to the stomach. (Take your pick, I got more).

I am so grateful for true friends who aren’t afraid to tell you something straight up and who won’t let you get away with ‘justified’ destructive thinking or behaviors. I am grateful for true friends who know and see your potential and won’t let you settle for anything less. It is through these kinds of true friends that can spark significant changes in our lives. A spark of change has been ignited in me because of such a friend. Thanks!

This past week has been quite the roller coaster for me. Spending time at D&N’s large house is quite lonely and due to such circumstances I allowed myself to fall back into some old habits and a state of mind that wasn’t healthy physically or mentally for me. I then used the state I was in as justification for my actions saying, “Well, because I’m like this…I can’t do this or that…” Or, “Because I’m like this… I don’t have the motivation to do this or that…” I had a lot of vain hopes that only brought disappointment, which caused me to spiral even further downward. It was a pretty low and sad state I had pulled myself into.

When I was at the lowest point all week, when I was about to give into something that I had been fighting and praying to have the strength not to do, I received a phone call from a good friend of mine. A true friend of mine. When discovering what state I was in she did not hesitate for one second to give me a swift kick in the pants and a dose of reality, which put me back in my place and realigned my focus and perspective to where it should be. Yes, it has a hard blow to take with my thoughts being along the lines of, “She did not just say that to me! RUDE! That was so insensitive!” But quickly letting go of my pride, which this true friend of mine has also helped me to do, I let her words sink in and that’s when I realized how right she was and how wrong I had been.

She taught me something that I already knew but had allowed myself to become blinded to by my own unrecognized decisions that had led me to the state I was currently in. In six words she sparked a change in me, “You have the power to decide.” With further wisdom from her regarding power she pointed out that I was deciding to give my power to Satan, which was enabling him with a greater amount of power than he already had on his own and which allowed him to use the power I was giving him against me. She then opened my eyes for me to see how I could use the power I have for good; to bring happiness and redemption into my life instead of misery and hell.

Her words had such an impact on me that I literally felt my heart fill with a genuine desire to take back the power I had given to Satan and use it to bring back happiness and redemption into my life. Energy surged through my body that greatly empowered me to turn my heart’s desire into action.

Our conversation ended while I was on my way to Idaho Falls to run an errand and instead of turning up the volume to listen to my music I pondered upon the conversation I had just had and allowed the Spirit to work within me. The Spirit brought many thoughts, questions, and insights to me during my drive to and from Idaho Falls that only brought about a greater desire to use the power I had for good in my life as well as in other people’s lives. Some of these thoughts included:

- What am I allowing to stop me?
- Am I going to lose the war over myself by allowing the every day battles to win?
- What do I want in the end? What am I doing today to get myself there?
- Each day is a gift from God. How am I using this gift He’s given me? Will He be happy with the person I am at the end of the day?
- How am I prohibiting my own freedom?
- How am I allowing myself to succumb to Satan’s power?
- Does Satan rejoice or despise me waking up each morning?
- Agency = Power
- “Because I can and so I will!” If I want to do something I should do it because I can (as long as I stay within laws, boundaries, commandments, and covenants).

Having these questions run through my mind and answering them personally I was more clearly able to see how I was dragging myself down, but also how I could use that same power to bring myself up and to continue to strive for my potential.

By the time I returned to Rexburg I had the power to conquer the world! I felt such a significant change inside my heart that it drove me to make changes and decisions about my life physically, mentally, spiritually, and socially.

So right when I got home I geared up to hit the road on my bike. I hadn’t gone out all week due to the state I had drug myself into. But I wanted to begin to take back power and I decided to start with biking. I rode out nearby to where my “secret spot” is and took in all the beauty that surrounded me and thought back upon the last time I was at my secret spot and how much that meant to me. The ride out there was glorious; it was filled with fond memories, the fresh and empowering desire to change, a altering of my attitude, and of course the beautiful surroundings of spring flowers, the smell of rain in the air, and all of the other elements of nature I love! The ride back was amazing in its own way. I biked against a very strong headwind the entire way back; so strong at times that I was using all my strength to keep moving and stay upright. I felt that this wind was a test to see how committed I was to taking back power into my life. Was I going to let it lick me and get the best of me? Or was I going to see it as a challenge and opportunity for increase growth and strength? With the latter perspective in focus I stood up on my bike and used every ounce of strength and energy I had to keep going against the strong wind. When I arrived home I felt so rejuvenated, not just physically but in every aspect of my life.

Although what my friend said to me has sparked and ignited a change in me, it doesn’t mean that there won’t still be battles to face each day because each day comes with its own set of trials and opposition. The difference is now that I know that I have the power to decide whether I am going to use that power to bring happiness and redemption into my life or misery and hell. I chose happiness and redemption and I pray that everybody will too recognize the power within them and also choose each day to bring that same happiness and redemption into their own life.

I am so grateful and will forever be indebted to my amazing friend who had the courage to say what she did to me. I am grateful that she didn’t play into my sob story or allow me to continue in my own self-created pity party or allow me to get away with anything. I am grateful for a true friend who saw that I was better than the state I was in, who sees who I truly am, and who knows and sees who I can become. What she taught me that day will have an impact on me for the rest of my life. What she taught was truth and truth is never forgotten. Thank you for being the sparked that ignited this change in my life that will have lasting eternal effects on me.

A Mother of many Virtures

Caring. Loving. Compassionate. Supportive. Understanding. Knowledgeable. Light. Creative. Sacrificing. Seeking. Beautiful. Talented. Wise. Tender-hearted. Organized. Courageous. Logical. Determined.

Sensitive. Sincere. Steadfast. Powerful. Accepting. Integrity. Humble. Joy.

Purposeful. Giving. Friend. Confidence. Loyal. Spiritual. Helpful. Gentle. Merciful. Service. Prayerful. Gratitude. Forgiving. Humorous. Divinely-minded. Reliable. Trust. Patient.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!! I am so grateful for a mother who is filled with so many aspiring virtures; one who I learn and grow from and desire to become more like. I am grateful for all she has taught me, teaches me still, and will teach me. I am grateful for the myriad sacrifices she willingly does for her family and for her children. I am grateful for all she embodies and mostly I am grateful she is my friend and my mother!

Then & Now

I came across some of my baby pictures the other day and couldn't help but notice the similarities from then & now. Enjoy!

"Spooning: One of Rachel's favorite past time activities."

Whether it's sour cream or chocolate pudding, it's always better smeared across your face!



Born to climb!

Rachel's life motto: "Drink More Water!" It heals everything...except decapitation.....



From soccer to basketball to volleyball to base/softball to water polo to football.... What's next!?!



"Once a hotty, always a hottie!" Ooww oww!



Sitting on the pot & poppin' a squat! The world is your bathroom!



I went from a cardboard box with my brother, to a granola girl with a rusty car! I'm moving up in the world.....