All In A Daze Work

I have completed my first week of training as a Psycho-social Rehabilitation (PSR) worker with the Beehive Rehabilitation & Counseling agency I recently got hired on with. As I PSR worker I work with a number of different individuals who are struggling with one or more diagnosed mental illnesses including: Major Depression, Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, Dual Diagnosis (combination of a mental illness and substance abuse/addiction), Bipolar Disorder, Panic Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, & Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

I discovered with Beehive Rehabilitation that the majority of the clients are adults with the average age being 50 years old. I was not expecting this since the two other agencies I interviewed with and the majority of other agencies I applied for work mostly with the young to teen age range. I was a bit disappointed when discovering this because my experience has been with the youth and I was wanting to continue working with that age range. But I am looking forward to working with these adults to gain new experience and to balance out the experience I already have. I do have one teenage client, which I am excited about.

My first week of training consisted of shadowing a number of other PSR workers each day. I was able to meet their clients, be exposed to their mental illnesses, and get an idea of how to work with these individuals to help them with coping/management skills and to meet their goals in a number of different areas including: Psychiatric, Health/Medical, Vocational/Educational, Financial, Social, Family, Basic Living Skills, Housing, & Community/Legal.

The first couple of days of training I felt like I was apart of a taxi company. I spent the entire day in a car as the clients got shuttled to and from places that they needed to go. There wasn't a whole lot of talking/discussing going on and so I didn't understand our purpose other than to drive people around. It wasn't until day three that I was able to understand that the driving around and doing specific things were apart of the goals that these clients had, even though it wasn't specifically talked about or addressed. Once I understood this I was able to grasp the job of a PSR worker better and begin to brainstorm the things I could do to help my future clients with their needs/goals.

The first week went by so quickly and each day I came home exhausted. With everything that I learned, with all the clients I met, and all that I was exposed to I felt like I was walking around in a complete daze; my head stuck in a cloud. So many things to remember. So many things to know. So many things to learn! I am once again re-learning how to not take work home with me. These individuals carry a lot of emotional baggage and can be really emotionally draining. I had forgotten this aspect of jobs like this, but as I once learned it at Anasazi I know that I can re-learn it with this job as well.

Nearing the end of my shadowing experience I was 'thrown to the wolves', one could say. I was given a client whose life has been turned upside down due to some family circumstances and has become one of the most challenging clients at Beehive Rehabilitation. I was also given a mother and daughter to work with as well. As I have spent several hours with these two my mind has been brought back to the week on the trail at Anasazi where I was able to walk with a mother and her daughter. It was one of my hardest weeks on the trail but it is proving to become a great tool as I am beginning to work with this mother and daughter. A new level of gratitude for that hard week on the trail has been gained.

I am on my own now. No more shadowing, but jumping in and getting my hands dirty. I am a bit nervous and apprehensive about my first week on my own, but as I have started this job I have been blessed with the peace that I can do it. It will take some time to smooth out all the wrinkles and rough edges, but I am excited to learn and to step up to the challenges and growing experiences.

I have decided to move to Idaho Falls because the cost of commuting back and forth each day will be money lost and money out of my pocket. I am hoping to do so within the next couple of weeks, but am still searching to find a place that is the best fit for me. The next few weeks should be an adventure....

Put On Your Dancing Shoes

Tonight I went dancing for the first time in a VERY long time. I am not much of a dancer. There is a reason why I played sports that didn't need very much coordination with your feet; I have very little! And it is obvious.

The young man I went with was very kind, patient, and gracious. He handled my inability to dance very well. I never understood why the lights at dances were always dimmed, until tonight. It is for the purpose of hiding the unskilled dancers whose faces are beaming red from embarrassment. I can attest to that.

Another thing that I learned about dancing tonight will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. As much as I love and wear Chaco sandals I will never wear them dancing again. I am sure they can be worn for less intense dancing, but for the triple step or polka they are out of the question. (But then again, it could have been caused by my poor attempt at trying to dance these different dance styles). Two abrasions and one large blister taught this to me, not to mention a few smashed toes from being stepped on. I had felt bad for him because of the huge gap between our dancing skills. I made it clear that if he never asked me to go dancing again I wouldn't be offended in the least bit.

But I admit, despite my battle wounds and my not so talented skill of dancing I still had a good time and enjoyed the company. Can't say I would volunteer to go and do it again, but I certainly wouldn't dismiss an invitation to go, if asked.

He Always Answers On Time

In pursuit of following my dreams I hesitantly gave my two-weeks notice at my job with the Homestead and put my trust in an unreliable source of income having high hopes that it wouldn't fall out from under me during the month I was away in Washington. To my disbelief, after only being away for a couple of weeks this only source of income lived up to its unreliable name and abruptly came to a stop overnight. Thankfully I had a bit of money saved up and was ahead on my payments. There was only a couple more weeks before returning to Idaho where I would then pick up a job quickly and be back on track.

Lesson One: Reality doesn't always work out like they do in our finite minds.

Since my return home to Idaho in late-March I have had my own full-time business looking for a job. Too bad such an effort doesn't come with a bi-weekly paycheck and benefits, but instead has the opposite effect; my credit cards were getting closer and closer to the maximum limit and my the amount in my checking account was getting smaller and smaller. I was haunted each day with the thoughts of wondering how my next bill was going to be paid and if I could spare a few spare bucks to buy groceries.

Lesson Two: Breaking points are a necessity in our lives to provide growth and continued hope.

About a week and a half ago I reached at a breaking point. I have been jobless since February, all my efforts in obtaining a job seemed frivolous, and the stress from my financial situation had surmounted to the point that it revealed a side of me that I didn't like being around. (Yeah, try that one on for size...there's no escape from yourself!). I was lying on my bed that night feeling the weight of my situation heavy on my chest and I began praying - just venting to my Father in Heaven. I told him that I felt like I had reached my breaking point. As I said this the thought that came into my mind was that everybody has breaking points and we all need to come to these points because it is then that He and the Savior can pick us up and make up the difference. They are there all along holding our hands, guiding, and helping us. Sometimes that is all we need, but we all come to a time where we need Him to let go of our hands and carry us for awhile. That is why we have the Atonement. I felt comforted with this thought as I once again put my trust in Him that night knowing that He would make up the difference for me and that everything would be ok somehow.

The next morning I awoke to my cell phone ringing. Seeing that it was an unidentified number, which I normally don't answer, I felt that I should. Covering up my just-woke-up-voice as much as I could I answered the call. It was Pearl Health Clinic calling me to see if I was available for an interview for a Psycho-social Rehabilitation (PSR) opening they were seeking to fill. I excitedly (but not being completely obvious) said I would love to come in for an interview. Pearl Health Clinic was the very first place I had applied for over a month and a half previous to this phone call. I then learned that an old roommate and her husband had worked closely with the individual who does the hiring for Pearl Health Clinic and had sent him an email putting in a good word and recommended me. To say the least, my prayers that morning were full of deep gratitude.

Lesson Three: When we finally see the Light at the end of the tunnel, we still have to get to the end and reach that Light, which is still a dim and unknown journey.

The interview with Pearl Health Clinic went great! There wasn't a job offer at the end, but the possibility of one was really high. I was put back in the waiting game as I awaited his promised email with the hopeful job offer and accompanied contract sealing the deal. While playing the waiting game I got dealt an unexpected play. I received a call for an interview with Beehive Rehabilitation, another PSR agency I had applied with around the same time I applied at Pearl Health Clinic. Not having made any promising commitments with Pearl Health Clinic I gladly accepted the offer for an interview. I was told that there were several other people who were also being contacted for interviews as well. Competition. I didn't rank myself very high against my unknown opponents and didn't have high expectations of receiving the job, but was excited for the possibility nonetheless.My hopes were still invested in Pearl Health Clinic.

A lot of anxiety began to build up in me as the days ticked by with no emails from Pearl Health Clinic and as I drew closer to my other interview. I again had a lot of uncertainty and feelings of being lost. Unanswerable questions continuously raced through my mind and the stress of my finances began to leave me restless at night.

Lesson Four: Our lives are big puzzles being put together piece by piece, but the Creator sees the whole picture; after all, He made each piece.

I had an awakening one morning as I was thinking about my finances. I realized that over the past several months I have always been looking ahead wondering how the upcoming bills were going to get paid. My eyes were always affixed to the future trying to see/predict what lie ahead, but always left my wondering to the Lord to take care of.

But what if I turned around? What would I see?

I changed my perspective and beheld a stunning view that I had been missing out on. The view expanded a long ways and captured many beautiful elements. While looking at this view I realized that Heavenly Father prepared me for this time of financial famine long before it began. He had led me to put money aside, make several months of payments ahead of time on my credit cards and loans, and purchase certain types of food that would go a long ways. And during this famine He appointed certain people and certain things to come into my life and happen that would continue to aid me and allow me to go a little farther and make it a little longer. In ways only orchestrated by a Supreme Being did each month close with all my bills paid and a little extra money in my account for the next month. He has been taking care of me; it was all right there the whole time, I just needed to change my perspective. What a view! What gratitude for each element!

Lesson Five: He always answers on time.

One of the things that happened during my financial famine was the unreliable income I mentioned earlier changing to become just profitable enough to help me go that extra distance, but had once again almost completely puttered out. This brings us back to this week - lots of anxiety, unanswerable questions, and restless, long nights. With the rate of my measly income, the outstanding balance on my credit cards uncomfortably too close to their limit, still playing the waiting game, and the absolute unknown future in my mind I could see no worldly possible way for next month's loose ends to be tied. My finite mind could grasp no solution.

I then stepped out of the tunnel into the rays of Light that were just coming up over the horizon. The dawn had broken the darkness of the night. I felt the warmth of the Sun begin to warm my face.

Almost overnight my still unreliable source of income had turned from pushing me further into debt to becoming more profitable than it has been in a long, long time. I once again emerged from the red zone into green pastures. This green pasture started ever so slightly budding with beautiful vegetation when I accepted the PSR job offer presented before me this afternoon at the end of my interview with Beehive Rehabilitation.

There are still dark rain clouds looming and rolling thunder in the distance; rainstorms and trudging through the mud is in the forecast. Challenges on many levels still await to be conquered, but I know that no matter what kind of storm or famine or hell one might pass through the Lord will always answer. It may not be in our way, on our timetable, or when we think there isn't an answer. He will answer and He will answer on time and in His perfect way. He is always with us and He will carry us when we reach our breaking point until through His power we can once again walk.

Photo of the Day

Delectable Decorated Strawberries & Truffles

Photo by: Rachel
Photo taken: June 8, 2009
Chocolate Goodness made by: Rachel

Yard Sale Success!

Today I had my first yard sale. Everything happened so fast and unorganized that I am surprised at how well it turned out. Yesterday I haphazardly sent a text message to my old roommate (and owner of the townhouse I am living in), Jessica, to see if she had at all thought any more on the subject of having a yard sale like she once mentioned several weeks ago. In return I received a phone call with a very stressed and lost sounding voice on the other end. Jessica had just discovered that she had a 3-day weekend but didn't know what to do with herself with the options before her. After some talking and weighing the pros and cons and viewing things in a different perspective she all of a sudden burst into excitement with the idea of earning money selling her things at a yard sale rather than spending her money by going with the other option. It was set - a Saturday Yard Sale!

But wait? It's Friday. This is where the 'fast and unorganized' part comes into play.

Jessica arrived in Rexburg yesterday evening and in a short amount of time the house was in a chaotic mess. Unfortunately our energy puttered out after only a few hours. In that short time we managed to pile all of the things we wanted to sell in the middle of the living room leaving only a small pathway mazing through our belongings. It would be a task to sort through the next day but there wasn't any pressure because we were having our yard sale on Saturday. Or so I thought...

As Jessica and I tucked oursevles into bed last night Jessica expressed her desire to take advantage of both Friday and Saturday by having a yard sale on both days. As I was thinking that an afternoon yard sale would be just fine Jessica piped up saying that the best garage sale shoppers start at 7 or 8am in the morning and so she wanted to be out there with the early bird shoppers. *silence* My first thought went to the big pile that lay in heaps downstairs. My next thought went something like this, "Riiiiiiiiiiight." I think Jessica was underestimating what it would take to host this yard sale.

As I awoke to Jessica getting up at the crack of dawn this morning and wrestling through the things downstairs I rolled over and tried to get in a few more minutes of sleep. Finally unable to drift off to sleep I slipped out of bed and joined Jessica downstairs organzing the mess we had made the previous night. My objective was to organize things in groups and then go through and price each item. I soon came to realize that Jessica's objective was completely different. She just wanted to get everything out on the lawn - priced or not - because with each passing car driving by was one less potential yard sale shopper and one less potential sale. After having quite the discussion about our difference of opinions I began helping Jessica load the back of my truck.

Cars started stopping and yard sale shoppers began emerging from the cars while we were still unloading the truck. This made both Jessica and I very panicked and frazzled as people asked one after another, "How much are you selling this for?" "What about this?" With a dumbfounded look on our faces our responses consisted of a lot of 'ums' and stuttering as we rambled off the first number that came to our head. After the first flood of people fizzled out, with one item of ours each being sold, we quickly scrambled to set everything up and put price tags on everything before the next wave came.

Our yard sale was different than most yard sales. This wasn't the typical last-effort-before-hitting-the-DI yard sale. The things that we were selling were quality items and we priced them as such. Many people were surprised at the prices, but one of our customers truthfully commented, "Wow, it looks like you brought everything from your living room out here!" "We did!" I responded. We held strong to our prices, only letting them drop a few dollars from our original set price.

With the last minute decision to do our yard sale today we didn't have time to make or put up any advertisements. But when I had to make a quick errand I noticed that a "garage sale" sign was posted at the end of our street with another sign posted just down the street from where our yard sale was located. So, THANKS to whomever posted those signs and SORRY for taking away some of your shoppers!

The wind started blowing pretty hard around 1:30pm and so we decided to close shop just after one last good sale. Jessica sold about 90% of her things and earned a good amount of money. The number of things I had was significantly more because I included all of my old textbooks from school in with everything else. Not selling a single book I still made out better than I thought I would. And including the sale of my Lov Sac from last week it felt like an even more success.

Since we were able to sale the majority of our things we decided that there wasn't a need to have another yard sale tomorrow. We were satisfied with what we sold and were content with giving a lot of the remaining things to DI. The big things that I didn't sale will soon be posted either on Craigslist or eBay.

A few extra bucks in this girl's pocket and a smile on her face is a good way to end a Friday.