Lesson One: Reality doesn't always work out like they do in our finite minds.
Since my return home to Idaho in late-March I have had my own full-time business looking for a job. Too bad such an effort doesn't come with a bi-weekly paycheck and benefits, but instead has the opposite effect; my credit cards were getting closer and closer to the maximum limit and my the amount in my checking account was getting smaller and smaller. I was haunted each day with the thoughts of wondering how my next bill was going to be paid and if I could spare a few spare bucks to buy groceries.
Lesson Two: Breaking points are a necessity in our lives to provide growth and continued hope.
About a week and a half ago I reached at a breaking point. I have been jobless since February, all my efforts in obtaining a job seemed frivolous, and the stress from my financial situation had surmounted to the point that it revealed a side of me that I didn't like being around. (Yeah, try that one on for size...there's no escape from yourself!). I was lying on my bed that night feeling the weight of my situation heavy on my chest and I began praying - just venting to my Father in Heaven. I told him that I felt like I had reached my breaking point. As I said this the thought that came into my mind was that everybody has breaking points and we all need to come to these points because it is then that He and the Savior can pick us up and make up the difference. They are there all along holding our hands, guiding, and helping us. Sometimes that is all we need, but we all come to a time where we need Him to let go of our hands and carry us for awhile. That is why we have the Atonement. I felt comforted with this thought as I once again put my trust in Him that night knowing that He would make up the difference for me and that everything would be ok somehow.
The next morning I awoke to my cell phone ringing. Seeing that it was an unidentified number, which I normally don't answer, I felt that I should. Covering up my just-woke-up-voice as much as I could I answered the call. It was Pearl Health Clinic calling me to see if I was available for an interview for a Psycho-social Rehabilitation (PSR) opening they were seeking to fill. I excitedly (but not being completely obvious) said I would love to come in for an interview. Pearl Health Clinic was the very first place I had applied for over a month and a half previous to this phone call. I then learned that an old roommate and her husband had worked closely with the individual who does the hiring for Pearl Health Clinic and had sent him an email putting in a good word and recommended me. To say the least, my prayers that morning were full of deep gratitude.
Lesson Three: When we finally see the Light at the end of the tunnel, we still have to get to the end and reach that Light, which is still a dim and unknown journey.
The interview with Pearl Health Clinic went great! There wasn't a job offer at the end, but the possibility of one was really high. I was put back in the waiting game as I awaited his promised email with the hopeful job offer and accompanied contract sealing the deal. While playing the waiting game I got dealt an unexpected play. I received a call for an interview with Beehive Rehabilitation, another PSR agency I had applied with around the same time I applied at Pearl Health Clinic. Not having made any promising commitments with Pearl Health Clinic I gladly accepted the offer for an interview. I was told that there were several other people who were also being contacted for interviews as well. Competition. I didn't rank myself very high against my unknown opponents and didn't have high expectations of receiving the job, but was excited for the possibility nonetheless.My hopes were still invested in Pearl Health Clinic.
A lot of anxiety began to build up in me as the days ticked by with no emails from Pearl Health Clinic and as I drew closer to my other interview. I again had a lot of uncertainty and feelings of being lost. Unanswerable questions continuously raced through my mind and the stress of my finances began to leave me restless at night.
Lesson Four: Our lives are big puzzles being put together piece by piece, but the Creator sees the whole picture; after all, He made each piece.
I had an awakening one morning as I was thinking about my finances. I realized that over the past several months I have always been looking ahead wondering how the upcoming bills were going to get paid. My eyes were always affixed to the future trying to see/predict what lie ahead, but always left my wondering to the Lord to take care of.
But what if I turned around? What would I see?
I changed my perspective and beheld a stunning view that I had been missing out on. The view expanded a long ways and captured many beautiful elements. While looking at this view I realized that Heavenly Father prepared me for this time of financial famine long before it began. He had led me to put money aside, make several months of payments ahead of time on my credit cards and loans, and purchase certain types of food that would go a long ways. And during this famine He appointed certain people and certain things to come into my life and happen that would continue to aid me and allow me to go a little farther and make it a little longer. In ways only orchestrated by a Supreme Being did each month close with all my bills paid and a little extra money in my account for the next month. He has been taking care of me; it was all right there the whole time, I just needed to change my perspective. What a view! What gratitude for each element!
Lesson Five: He always answers on time.
One of the things that happened during my financial famine was the unreliable income I mentioned earlier changing to become just profitable enough to help me go that extra distance, but had once again almost completely puttered out. This brings us back to this week - lots of anxiety, unanswerable questions, and restless, long nights. With the rate of my measly income, the outstanding balance on my credit cards uncomfortably too close to their limit, still playing the waiting game, and the absolute unknown future in my mind I could see no worldly possible way for next month's loose ends to be tied. My finite mind could grasp no solution.
I then stepped out of the tunnel into the rays of Light that were just coming up over the horizon. The dawn had broken the darkness of the night. I felt the warmth of the Sun begin to warm my face.
Almost overnight my still unreliable source of income had turned from pushing me further into debt to becoming more profitable than it has been in a long, long time. I once again emerged from the red zone into green pastures. This green pasture started ever so slightly budding with beautiful vegetation when I accepted the PSR job offer presented before me this afternoon at the end of my interview with Beehive Rehabilitation.
There are still dark rain clouds looming and rolling thunder in the distance; rainstorms and trudging through the mud is in the forecast. Challenges on many levels still await to be conquered, but I know that no matter what kind of storm or famine or hell one might pass through the Lord will always answer. It may not be in our way, on our timetable, or when we think there isn't an answer. He will answer and He will answer on time and in His perfect way. He is always with us and He will carry us when we reach our breaking point until through His power we can once again walk.
